My Child Is Not Talking Yet. What Can We Do?

Speech is one way to communicate, not the only one. What actually helps a nonspeaking child communicate, and why using a device will not stop them talking.

If your child is not speaking, you have probably been given a lot of conflicting advice and a fair amount of fear. Let us start with the two things that matter most.

Not speaking is not the same as not understanding. Many children who do not speak understand a great deal. Assume your child understands you, and keep talking to them like you would anyone else.

Communication is bigger than speech. Pointing, leading you by the hand, handing you a picture, pressing a button, signing, and using a device are all real communication. A child who can tell you what they need has communication, whether or not it involves their voice.

The myth worth killing first

Using a communication device will not stop your child from talking.

This worry stops families from trying tools that would help, sometimes for years. The research points the other way: giving children another way to communicate is associated with increases in speech, not decreases.

It makes sense when you think about it. Communication that works is rewarding. A child who discovers that expressing themselves gets a response is more motivated to communicate in every form, including speech.

What the options look like

Gestures and sign. Simple signs for common things: more, help, all done, eat, break. Easy to start today, always available, no equipment. The limit is that people outside the family may not understand them.

Picture exchange. Your child hands you a picture of what they want. Concrete, easy to understand, and it teaches the core idea that communication is directed at another person and produces a result.

Speech generating devices and apps. A tablet with communication software where pressing symbols produces spoken words. These can grow with your child from a handful of options to full sentences, and everyone can understand the output. This is what most people mean by AAC.

A speech language pathologist can assess which fits your child. Insurance and regional centers frequently fund devices.

What you can do starting today

Narrate everything. Describe what you are doing as you do it. "Pouring the milk. Cold milk. Milk is all gone." This builds understanding long before it builds speech.

Pause and wait. After you ask something or offer a choice, wait. Count silently to ten. Adults fill silence fast, and that silence is where a child has room to respond.

Create reasons to communicate. Put a favorite thing in sight but out of reach. Give a small portion so they need to ask for more. Hand them a closed container they need help opening. Do the fun thing, then stop and wait. These small setups produce far more communication than asking "what do you want?"

Respond to any attempt. A look, a reach, a sound, a gesture. Respond immediately as if it were a full sentence. Every attempt that works teaches that communicating is worth doing.

Offer choices you can see. Hold up two things. Choice making is easier than open ended requesting.

Follow their interest. Language grows fastest around things a child already cares about.

Do not withhold to force speech. Making a child say the word before they get the item, when they cannot yet, creates frustration and can shut communication down. Accept the attempt, then model the word.

Who to involve

A speech language pathologist for assessment, language goals, and AAC.

An ABA provider, since communication is one of the most common ABA goals. Behavior analysts work on requesting, building the number of ways a child can communicate, and making sure the skill works with everyone, not just in sessions.

Your school district, which can provide speech services and, from age three, an IEP.

The best outcomes come when the SLP and ABA provider actually talk to each other and work on the same targets in the same way.

Communication and behavior are linked

Many difficult behaviors are communication in a form nobody wants. A child who cannot say "I need a break" or "that hurts" or "I want that" has to use other means, and those means are often loud.

This is why teaching a reliable way to communicate frequently reduces difficult behavior more effectively than any behavior plan aimed at the behavior itself.

About the future

Parents want to know whether their child will speak. Nobody can honestly promise an answer.

What is true: many children who are not speaking at two or three do develop speech later, sometimes much later. Some communicate primarily with devices for life, and live full lives doing so. Early support for communication in any form is associated with better outcomes across the board.

Your child having a way to tell you what they think is the goal. The channel matters less than you fear.

If you want help

BehavioTech works on communication as a core goal, in your home, across Orange County and Southern California. We coordinate with speech therapists regularly, and we are glad to work alongside an SLP your child already sees.

In network with Anthem Blue Cross and Aetna, no waitlist. Call (657) 678-9020.

Written by the BehavioTech clinical team. BehavioTech provides in-home and telehealth ABA therapy across Orange County and Southern California, in network with Anthem Blue Cross and Aetna. Call (657) 678-9020 or start an intake.